I have started this post so many times. Will I write it....no I won't, no, I will, nah. Well now I have finally decided to do it. Breast feeding is something that, to me, was one of the most natural things in the world and is now something I feel very passionately about. I was breast fed, so was my brother. The Dad was breast fed, the only one of four. My aunt has breast fed all three of her boys. My three sisters in law breast fed all their children. So of course I was always going to breast feed. I was shocked to find out that it's just not the norm in this country. The breast feeding rate is shockingly low, approx 40%, but I believe the number of women who continue after a few weeks drops again.
The one thing that you are not told is how bloody hard it's going to be for the first few weeks. Natural my arse. Nothing this "natural" should hurt this much (this goes for child birth too by the way, maybe I should have had that epidural). And it is hard, very very very hard.
I had planned to go to a local breastfeeding group the week before Cathal was born, but he had other ideas and entered this world on the day the group was on. So that was that, I really hadn't a clue. Then he just would not take to breast feeding when he was born. I now know that it was due to his sleepy, I've just been born, and I have downs, and low muscle tone all over, poor me thing he had going. Also, the three little heart conditions didn't help in any way. He wasn't breast fed at all the first day. He was put on a drip when he got to Crumlin that night, and I think I tried the next day, but now joy. The nurse was lovely, and did try to help, but she didn't really know what she was doing either. I think that the nurses and midwives in this country only get minimal training in breastfeeding, so can't give any practical or knowledgeable advice. They do try, but nothing beats first hand experience. This seems to be why so many women give up so quickly, the lack of good advice and the lack of support. A few posters in the maternity hospital and a leaflet I just happened to spot in one area was my guide before Cathal was born. If this is any indication of the support out there, it's not surprising why the numbers are low.
Luckily, one of my sister in laws had lent me her pump (thank you so much L!!) that she had finished using. This was a life saver, I was able to get my supply going and bottle feed Cathal EBM and he also got formula. I kept on trying to latch him on over the next few days, but he was so sleepy (very common for new heart babies), he would suck away for 5mins, then go to sleep. He was getting more and more jaundiced, which just made him sleepier. So, that was three things making him sleepy, downs, heart, jaundice. It was a vicious cycle. Even though I kept trying to latch him on, we would bottle feed him too. The routine for the day was, get up, express, go to hospital, spend all day there, home at about 10pm, express before bed while boiling everything that needed to be sterilized (including the actual motor part of the pump, it still works though), alarm set for 4am, get up express while falling asleep in the kitchen.
By the time he left hospital, I was expressing enough for him. I kept this up at home for a few days (and we bought a sterilizer, well worth it for the two weeks I used it). Then I hit a solid brick wall, I just coudn't do it. He wasn't getting it, I wasn't getting it, we were both all over the place. Expressing is such hard work, firstly, you feel like you belong on a farm, so that doesn't help your confidence, secondly, I could not express enough for Cathal. He wasn't latching on, I was so exhausted from the 10 days he was in hospital, I broke down. I remember crying in the Dad's arms saying that I needed to sleep just for one night. When Cathal got home, I would have to wake him up at 4am(too sleepy to wake himself up), try to feed him, which would take about 30-40min, then express for another 30min. I went out that evening to buy a box of formula (NOOOOO.....don't do it!!!) We made up a feed (it's far too complicated, you need to boil water, then let it cool, then exact measuring and mixing and then warm it up again!?! Takes 5 hours to make up a bottle) It did not go down too well, he threw most of it back up, awful gloopy stuff. Mister Cathal was used to booby milk and pre made little packets of formula, if you don't mind.
I posted my dilemma and crazy stressed out cry for help on roller coaster, and the fantastic ladies on the breast feeding board showed me the light!! Hallelujah, people who know what to do and what I am going through. They told me I was not alone. Most breast feeding women go through this, they sent me to Kelly Mom . This is an amazing website, full of practical, step by step, picture described latching on positions and other fantastic information. I tried the techniques, and low and behold, it worked!!!! Cathal was latching on. Good buy pump (or so I thought).
The second time Cathal was in hospital, I was able to breast feed him on demand in hospital, express enough for him during the evening and morning for the night nurses. He got formula once, by accident (don't ask, I am still raging about it). While he was in ICU, he was tube fed my milk, and I truly believe that because of this, he made such a speedy recovery. He was waiting 2 weeks for the operation and during these two weeks, there was a nasty tummy bug doing the rounds on the ward. Did he catch it? Not at all, he's a strong boy.
If you can breast feed, you should. Feeding a special needs baby though is tough, small mouth, low muscle tone, tongue tie, heart problems, all contributed to Cathal's slow start. But we got there. If we can do it, any one can, you just need the motivation, the drive to keep going.
It is hard to start, and painful, but it does get easier. Breast feeding is a supply and demand thing, no matter what size you are, you will always have enough (I am a testament to this, not too big on top am I). Trust is one of the things that you also need to learn. Your baby knows how much he needs, so no need to obsess over how many ounces he's taking, trust him.
I plan to breast feed up till he is a year old, so that he can get the full benefit of my immune system while he recovers after his big operation. I would encourage all the lovely mammies to be out there to try it, that's all, just try it, and give it a chance. You do grow to love it, eventually.
Not a boob in sight
